"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18
Reckless: careless, heedless, not regarding consequences; headlong and irresponsible; rash. Synonyms: unmindful, neglectful, unthinking, and thoughtless.
I am finding more and more verses each week to meditate on after our Words That Hurt, Words That Heal Bible study. Below are some of my scribbled notes:
Four evidences of careless speech: speaking without thinking, exaggerating (lying about details), flattery (praising too much, untruthfully, in order to win favor), and spouting surface answers to deep problems and hurts (cliches and pat answers when a friend needs something more from us).
"Ponder--don't pour." This is the advice our hostess gave us based on Proverbs 15:28 which says, "The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things."
Ponder means to carefully consider our words before speaking, thinking about how our words will affect that person. Will they hurt or heal? After a phone call is over or the guests have gone home, will we regret our speech? Or be thankful that we were silent?
Slander: open, intentional sharing of damaging information characterized by bad reports that blemish or defame a person's reputation whether they are true or not.
Finding fault and criticizing unfavorably is in a real sense slandering. We also talked about the times when truth, however harsh, must be shared. There are some guidelines:
With whom: Does the person need to know because of his involvement or responsibility in the situation? If so, then it may not be slander.
How: Your attitude is important; are you sorry or glad to make this known? Is it painful to share it, or are you needlessly making someone else look bad?
When: Only when it is imperative. When in doubt, don't. James 4:11 says, "Brothers, do not slander one another."
Gossip: idle talk about other people and their affairs; rumors, stories and news that people repeat.
Some practical help when caught in the middle of a group that is tearing someone down: Smile sweetly and say, "You know, I'm getting very uncomfortable about this." It's a gracious and gentle way to let someone know that you aren't condemning them for gossiping, but you don't want to continue with it either. Another suggestion is to respond softly, "That would really hurt her if she knew what we were saying."
"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3
Several neat-to-learn-from stories were shared about instances when a guard was not put over mouths, and prayer and pondering didn't come first before speaking. Our group is taking a two-week summer vacation break, but we'll meet back again the end of July for a session on Anger/Conflict and Discretion.
~Deb
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